I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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