he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
