Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
