He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
