I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
