You're completely useless in the revolution.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
