i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
