Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
