I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
PANTIES FOUND
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
