how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can't believe i had my finger in that
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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