When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
