I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need moral support for this bender
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
