Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
