More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
