I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
