Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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