Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
