i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
