Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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