I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
