just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
