I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
