just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
of course. lets lasso hookers.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
