the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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