Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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