my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
