Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I would ride that face into the sunset
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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