The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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