You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
