i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
