How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
