So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
