Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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