I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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