how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
