can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
