I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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