How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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