around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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