My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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