My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
