the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
