I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
