Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
