So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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