I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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