4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
