I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
