I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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