pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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