Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
