Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
